Portabella Mushrooms: Bane of Me

    This. This is the worst thing in existence.  They had these for a special at my work. Looking at them made me want to go WTF is that.  The worst part was to come. Letting these things cook in a skillet caused the upmost disgust smell ever, it overpowered all other smells in the room. They smell like.........
, who cares what they smell like they just are horrible

Ever Run Out of Time?

             As I am writing this I could be doing something else. Whether it be watching some TV( have some catching up to do on TiVo),  modeling things in Blender, playing guitar, or for the umpteenth time try to like Black Ops.  Sometimes I wonder if there is even enough time in the day to do all I want to do. Usually I just end up sitting in Orgrimmar making Darkmoon Cards, (Yes, WoW(Kel'Thuzad-Horde)).

        Eventually all I want to do will get done, but for now I need more than just 24 hours a day to do things. You ever have the same feeling?

ANTI-JOKE GALORE

Animals

• A duck walks into a bar...

Animal control is promptly called, the duck is then taken to a nearby park and released.

• A chicken begins crossing the street and is hit by several fast moving metal boxes with wheels.

• What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?

A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

• What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

• Why is a mouse when it spins?

Because the higher it goes, the fewer.

• Why is a duck?

Because one leg is both the same.

• What is the difference between one duck?

He have both legs the same size, especially left one.

• What do you call a cross between a chicken and a duck?

Chuck.

• What do a duck and a bicycle have in common?

They both have handlebars. Except the duck doesn't.

• What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?

Here come the elephants over the hill.

• What is the difference between elephants and grapes?

Elephants are grey, grapes are purple.

• What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill?

Here come the grapes over the hill (Jane was colorblind).

• How do you kill a blue elephant?

You shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

• How do you kill a red elephant?

You hold its trunk until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

• How do you kill a green elephant?

You embarass it until it turns red, hold its trunk until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

• How do you kill a white elephant?

You paint it green, embarass it until it turns red, hold its trunk until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

• How do you kill a pink elephant?

You scare it until it turn white, paint it green, embarass it until it turns red, hold its trunk untils it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

• How do you kill a yellow elephant?

There's no such thing, silly!

• If it takes half a chicken half a day to lay half an egg, how long does it take a cricket with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

I'm not fooled for a second--there isn't enough information to solve the equation. You have to tell me which half of the chicken and I need to know what kind of wood the cricket's leg is made out of (oak, ash, maple, pine, etc.).

• Three blind mice walk into a bar. Being blind, they are mostly unaware of their surroundings, so it would be unethical to derive humour from their predicament.

• What's green, hangs on a wall and whistles?

I give up, what's green, hangs on a wall and whistles?

A herring.

What? A herring isn't green!

Who stops you from painting it?

A herring doesn't hang on a wall!

Who stops you from hanging it?

But who ever heard of a herring that whistles?

Well, two out of three isn't bad!

Vegetables

• What's green with legs?

Grass. (I lied about the legs!)

• What's green and pear-shaped?

A pear.

• Why did the banana explode?

Because it was a grenade.

People

• Why do firemen wear red suspenders?

To keep their pants up.

• What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

A Jew is a person adhering to the Jewish faith, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes.

• How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house?

You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.

• What do you call a middle eastern man in the cockpit of a plane?

A pilot, you racist.

• Hao Long is a Chinese man.

• Hu is the Chinese president.

• Why did John fall off his bike?

Someone threw a fridge at him.

• Why wouldn't Jack's car start?

Because it was a giant fish.

• Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Sally has no arms.

• Why did Jack stand in the middle?

He was happy twenty years later.

• Knock knock

Who's there?

• The Gestapo.

• How did the picture look?

It didn't, pictures don't have working eyes.

• What is better than an anti-joke?

A better anti-joke.

• Five girls run from what?

A cloud is new, says George.

• What happened to the girl next door?

Her house becomes again.

• Who is Mike Jones?

No one cares.

• Why did the plane crash?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

• What did John Lennon say when he was shot?

"Help me, I've been shot!"

• How do you make a mime yell?

Throw a brick at his face.

• How do you make a clown stop smiling?

Hit him with an axe.

• What do a bat and a button have in common?

Neither of them can sing like Swiss people...

Other

• Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... ba dum chhhhh!

• So a blond, a brunette, and a redhead walk in to a bar. The bartender calls 9-1-1, and all three women stay the night in the hospital.

• What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

• What is the capital of Idaho?

Boise.

• A man walks into a bar...

Ouch! (alternately: "He faints.")

• What did Columbus say to his men before they got on the ships?

"Get on the ships!"

• What has eight legs, 8 brown eyes, and an invisible tail?

A spider.

A Scorpion with its tail dipped in butter.

• How many ducks does it take to make a duck?

Two Ducks. Why, because I saw it on National Geographic.

• What's red and shaped like a bucket?

A red bucket.

• What's blue and shaped like a bucket?

A red bucket in disguise.

• What's pink and furry?

Pink fur.

• What's blue and furry?

Pink fur holding its breath.

• An egg and a sausage are frying in a pan... The sausage says "Wow... It's hot in here!"

The egg says "Oh, my God! A talking sausage!"

• Is it farther to New York, or by bus?

Only if you take the train.

Halfway to the sunrise.

• What is the velocity of butter?

The velocity of butter is in a direct inverse proportion relating indistinctly to the mass of the moon.

Takes on Other Jokes

• Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

• Why was six afraid of seven?

Six was not afraid of seven, 10 was, so there!

• Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because it was just the decomposing remains of a long forgotten murder case in a remote field.

• What is the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes little boys.

• My dog's got no dictionary.

How does he spell 'terrible?'

• What do you get when you cross a horse and a donkey?

A mule. Numbskull!

• What do you get when you cross France and Russia?

You don't get jack shit! But, Germany gets a two-front war!

• Guy walks into Doctor's office, tells the doc "I've got a real problem -- it hurts when I do this."

The doctor looks at him for a moment, then says "I'm sorry, you have cancer."

Awesome jokes are awesome

My First Post

So here is my first post. Time to start blogging